🧻 FED x BED BATH & BEYOND: “Buy One Crisis, Get One Free!"

After exhausting rate hikes, Powell turns to the only thing that’s ever worked on the American psyche: a 5.5 x 8.5 inch miracle of consumer psychology

WASHINGTON, D.C. — May 7, 2025
After weeks of seeing 5.5x8.5-inch postcards pile up in his Georgetown mailbox, offering 20% off, buy-one-get-one-free, and mysterious “Beyond+” deals, Chairman Jerome Powell had a revelation:

If the American people won’t listen to monetary policy, maybe they’ll respond to a coupon.

If Bed Bath & Beyond can move 80,000 towel sets in a weekend with a single promo, why can’t the Fed bundle its own issues?

“Two Crises? Why Not Both!”

"When I looked at those coupons, stacked, chaotic, half-expired, I thought, ‘Damn, that’s basically the U.S. economy right now.’"
—Jerome Powell, probably