LinkedIn Launches LinkedFights To Bolster Sagging Engagement
Product managers bet on parking-lot-based physical conflict to optimize MAUs
Sunnyvale, CA - In news that surprised very few Silicon Valley product managers, LinkedIn announced a new YouTube, DVD and LaserDisc series, LinkedFights, where corporate middle managers are pitted against one another in office parks and parking lots, all over America.
“Basically, we were told to get platform engagement up by any means necessary,” LinkedIn product manager Rohan Hagigi said, in an interview.
“We found that video worked best, and specifically violent content containing male users. It’s kind of wild, because we’ve had all this training since LinkedIn joined Microsoft about how to have fruitful and rewarding relationships with our colleagues.”
“But, oh yeah, nothing drives user engagement like two Google L5’s going Wolvie-Berzerk style in the parking lot,” Hagigi said.
Very little is known about LinkedIn CEO Daniel Shapero’s career prior to 2008. His bio is elusive, and there‘s four year period (2004-2008) where there is simply no explanation of Shapero’s whereabouts.
Boxing buffs may know that heavyweight champ Mike Tyson filed for bankruptcy in 2003, and entered the roughest part of his fighting career around 2004. Tyson was past his prime, and largely fought in ‘04-’05 to pay off debts.
Shapero became Tyson’s manager shortly before 2006, when the Mike Tyson’s World Tour launched. After Tyson’s legal troubles and prison bid in ‘07, Shapero moved on to the tech world. It appears that Shapero still craves bloodsport, even from the bland confines of his Sunnyvale office.
“Initially we had a plan,” Shapero said. “But the plan wasn’t working.”
“So, I remembered some advice that I had received from Michael Gerard Tyson, a former colleague of mine. Perhaps you know him by his stage name, Mike Tyson.”
“He once said, ‘Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.’ So, yeah anyway, I think you know the rest of this story.”