Welcome to the Black Parade (Fund)

My Chemical Romance Launches a PE Fund for Sad, Sophisticated LPs

BREAKING: Markets Fall, Eyeliner Runs, Capital Cries Out

In a move no one predicted but every emo soul secretly prayed for, My Chemical Romance has unveiled their boldest concept project yet: a private equity fund.

Introducing The Black Parade Fund (BPF) — a melancholically managed vehicle for emotionally complex LPs and founders whose burn rate is only matched by their heartbreak rate.

This isn’t your average fund. BPF rejects sunshine rounds and founder optimism. Instead, it seeks investors who have:

• Wept openly to The Ghost of You in a Panera Bread

• Still wear black jeans from 2005

• And remember exactly what Mikey Way was doing in Electric Century (hint: synths, sorrow, and side-chain compression)

Because when the economy goes gray, only the sad survive.